Here I am, wide awake. Need to get ready for work, but something holds me back. People are going to think the worst of me for missing work yesterday. They will find me to be a horrible person. What should I do about this? Well, work harder to be a better me. So, why do I tend to do more of the same? I guess it is to avoid having to face people. I never really thought I had social anxiety, but I guess I do.
I worry so much about what others will think of me that it affects my ability to function. When I am suffering and messing up, it causes me to continue in the same pattern because I am afraid to face the people who know what a screw up I am. Even if they don’t see me as a screw up, I think they do, and it becomes harder and harder to face them.
I pass co-workers in the halls or work alongside them and they may smile and be courteous, but all I can feel their eyes saying is a bunch of negativeness about me:
- “You aren’t any good at your job!”
- “I don’t know why/how you haven’t been fired!”
- “Nobody likes you!”
- “I only tolerate you because I have to!”
- “You are annoying!”
I know these are my own perceptions, but I don’t know how to stop playing them over and over again in my head! The internal pain and suffering is very difficult to overcome!
Does anyone else feel this way? Does this sound familiar? Please tell me I am not alone!!